“Talk to yourself like you would to someone else you love.”
– Brené Brown
A few years ago, the idea of feeling shame for anything, anyone and surely for ourselves entered many discussions from well known people. It was like a light switch was turned on all over the world.
One of the stronger discussions came from a wonderful writer-speaker by the name of Brené Brown. She talks about the subtle differences between guilt and shame. I did something wrong vs. I did something bad. Say these two very different sentences to yourself alone, out loud. Perhaps you can feel the difference in your body. In the different meanings. Maybe a surge of emotion comes up.
One of the solutions to feeling shame is empathy. It’s very powerful to sit with another person, talk about our shame and hear them say, “Oh, I totally get that. Me too.”
When we reach out to the right person or group, time and again we find out we are not so alone in our shame. It is a very real and human emotion. Choose your receiving partners carefully, with discretion, as there are people around that do not care or are not able to feel what empathy is.
Brené goes on to say that “guilt is adaptable because it’s based on behavior, not self-worth.”
Shame takes away that possibility and tells me I am damaged, broken and beyond repair.
Shame can begin to dissipate when we talk about it with others who too can relate.
If you haven’t heard, courage is being vulnerable. Vulnerability is a very strong, unbreakable trait. It continues to strengthen the more we are open with ourselves and others. It’s like telling the truth but even deeper. Leaving yourself wide open with the right people till you become your own ears to listen and heal.
By the Way, shame is out! Vulnerability is in! Remember to choose the people you are courageous and vulnerable with. Be smart and good to yourself! Be brave and begin to wash away the emotions of any shame you may still have in case “it” hadn’t heard yet. Let it go. Let it go…….